Over lunch a few minutes ago, I read the transcript of President Trump’s remarks this morning to the CPAC convention.

It’s mainly familiar stuff by now, with the President’s signature blend of self-pity and self-praise.  But what was most striking to me – and more evident in the transcript than in a video – is how much Trump’s actual speeches have become nearly indistinguishable from parodies of Trump’s speeches.

Look at this paragraph:

“The media didn’t think we would win. The pundits — you’re right — they had an idea. The pundits didn’t think we’d win. The consultants that suck up all that money — oh, they suck it up — they’re so good. They’re not good at politics, but they’re really good at sucking up people’s money. Especially my opponents’, because I kept them down to a minimum. But the consultants didn’t think we would win. But they all underestimated the power of the people, you, and the people proved them totally wrong. This is so true, and this is what’s been happening. Never underestimate the people. Never. I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

Or this one:

“Gen. Kelly, by the way, has done a fantastic job. Fantastic, the job he’s done. And remember, we are getting the bad ones out. These are bad dudes. We’re getting the bad ones out. Okay? We’re getting the bad — if you watch these people, it’s like oh, gee, that’s so sad. We were getting bad people out of this country. People who shouldn’t be, whether it’s drugs or murder. We’re getting bad ones out. They’re the ones that go first. I said it from day one.”

Or this one, too:

“Bottom line, Obama didn’t sign it. Could be 42,000 jobs, somewhere around there. Didn’t sign it. But can you imagine? He gave up. A year ago, it was dead. Now he’s doing nothing, calling his wife, hello, darling, I’m a little bored, you know that pipeline project, that has killed us, that has killed our company. Knock, knock. Mr. So and so. The Keystone pipeline, sir, out of nowhere has just been approved. Can you imagine the expression?”

Here’s another:

“We’re also putting in a massive budget request for our beloved military. And we will be substantially upgrading all of our military, all of our military, offensive, defensive, everything. Bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and hopefully we’ll never have to use it, but nobody’s going to mess with us, folks. Nobody. It will be one of the greatest military buildups in American history. No one will dare question, as they have been, because we’re very depleted, very, very depleted sequester. Nobody will question our military might again.”

And yet another:

“We’re taking meetings every day with top leaders in business, in science and industry. Yesterday I had 29 of the biggest business leaders in the world in my office. Caterpillar, Tractor, Campbell Soup, we had everybody. We had everybody. I like Campbell Soup. We had everybody. And we came to a lot of very good conclusions, and a lot of those folks that are in that room are going to be building big, big, massive new plants and lots of jobs. You know what? They’re going to be building them in this country and not in some other countries.”

I basically picked those examples at random.  Just about any paragraph will make the point.  This is self-parody.  Read the whole thing yourself (if you can stomach it) and see if you don’t agree.  Saturday Night Live doesn’t need writers anymore.  Just hand the transcript to Alec Baldwin – done!

I realize that Trump’s speaking style is a lot less important than the human wreckage that will result from his policies, but more than a month after the inauguration, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that this guy is the President of the United States.

Is it possible that this whole administration is just an elaborate put-on, with Trump as a cleverly subversive performance artist?

I should find a better way to spend my lunch hour.

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